I’m just gonna let the world figure this out
And so it was.
It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s the sound I heard when I was 9 and my father slammed the front door so hard behind him I swear to god it shook the whole house. For the next 3 years I watched my mother break her teeth on vodka bottles. I think she stopped breathing when he left. I think part of her died. I think he took her heart with him when he walked out. Her chest is empty, just a shattered mess or cracked ribs and depression pills.
It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s all the blood in the sink. It’s the night that I spent 12 hours in the emergency room waiting to see if my sister was going to be okay, after the boy she loved, told her he didn’t love her anymore. It’s the crying, and the fluorescent lights, and white sneakers and pale faces and shaky breaths and blood. So much blood.
It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s the time that I had to stay up for two days straight with my best friend while she cried and shrieked and threw up on my bedroom floor because her boyfriend fucked his ex. I swear to god she still has tear streaks stained onto her cheeks. I think when you love someone, it never really goes away.
It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s the six weeks we had a substitute in English because our teacher was getting divorced and couldn’t handle getting out of bed. When she came back she was smiling. But her hands shook so hard when she held her coffee, you could see that something was broken inside. And sometimes when things break, you can’t fix them. Nothing ever goes back to how it was. I got an A in English that year. I think her head was always spinning too hard to read any essays.
It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s that I do.
Get on the plane, get the train,
Walk 300 miles.
Get to her front door and tell her
“I know this is crazy
But I need you now.”
Our lives are too short to always be sensible,
Get the girl.
Distance makes no difference if your eyes light up when she laughs.
الفنان ” Bryan Lewis Saunders “
ينقل تجربته برسمه لمجموعة من الرسوم التي تمثّله بعد تعاطيه انواع مختلفة من المخدرات .
Bryan Lewis Saunders is an artist from Johnson City, Tennessee who’s doing a series of self portraits under the influence of various drugs.
This is one of my favorite things
I Wanna Get Better // Bleachers
So I put a bullet where I should’ve put a helmet
And I crash my car ‘cause I wanna get carried away
That’s why I’m standing on the overpass screaming at myself,
Hey, I wanna get better.
I didn’t know I was lonely ‘til I saw your face
I didn’t know I was broken ‘til I wanted to change.